The Privateer Production
by Prospero Hibiki
Summary: Wooden ships, catwalks, and sharks...REALLY? Sharks! For Risknight on TLAPD


The Privateer Production

Author: Prospero Hibiki

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory characters are the property of Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, the CBS Network, and the actors who portray them. In no way are these aforementioned characters being used for my own personal profit, and this is not meant as an infringement of the copyright owned by any of the above entities.

Timeline: Ummmm...whenever? Somewhen after s3e19 at least.

Spoilers: Maybe? ...ish?

Classification: Yes

Rating: T

Summary: Wooden ships, catwalks, and sharks...REALLY? Sharks?! For Risknight on TLAPD

Author's Comments: Risknight's stories have given me so much enjoyment ever since I've started reading them that when I saw her TLAPD challenge I just had to throw my tricorn into the ring. I hope you can forgive me any errors since I currently have thirty six minutes to write this before the 19th.

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"The Privateer Production"

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The scene wouldn't have looked out of place in a movie.

The water lapped against the sides of the hull and the ship slowly rose and fell with the motion of the waves. Men climbed the rigging dressed in ragged clothing straight out of the golden age of piracy. Surely these men were the roughest toughest band of pirates to ever sail the seas.

Well, except for that one pirate grinning madly and dashing about like a kid in a candy store stopping every few minutes to disinfect his hands.

The scene wouldn't have looked out of place in a movie at all...mostly because that's exactly what it was.

Penny grinned from the wooden catwalk set up to overlook the giant wave tank as she watched Sheldon move from one location to the next aboard the ship. He'd stop every so often and say a few – or more than a few – words to the director's assistant beside him. Most times she could tell that the man was rolling his eyes, but every so often she'd see him nod thoughtfully and call out some directions to one or more of the actors aboard the ship.

It really was going to be a horrible movie. Someone had gotten the bright idea to do a pirate parody movie. The budget was ridiculously low and they'd been forced to beg, borrow, or steal props from old sets and the like. The pirate ship itself was from the actual PotC film as was the tank it was currently in. The ship was actually being removed within the month and the tank was already being leased to an upcoming shark movie that had allowed them to use the set until the ship was pulled out.

Looking down through the metal grating she once more gulped as she watched the predators swim around. The sharks had been placed into the more than football field sized tank so that they had a chance to get used to it. She just didn't want to be anywhere near them. Sheldon had told her multiple times that these particular sharks were perfectly safe to be around.

The statement would have been more reassuring if his face hadn't twitched every time he said it.

Speaking of Sheldon he was having the time of his life. When the producers had quietly commented that they didn't have the money to hire a real expert on pirates she'd tossed out his name without even thinking about if he actually knew anything about pirates. And he'd come through for her...just like he always did. Repeatedly he came with her to the set and presented his expertise in just about anything that they could possibly need an expert in. All because she'd asked him to. All by himself he'd saved the movie and all he'd asked for was the chance to dress up and pretend to be pirate for a day. Smiling she leans against the railing, rests her chin on her crossed arms, and listens to the shouts of the director … as the camera crane operator rapidly swings it into the side of the catwalk she's standing on.

Penny screams as the entire catwalk shakes violently and lurches under her. Parts of it are already falling into water below her and all she can do is hang onto the railing feet dangling because the boards she was standing on are just gone.

Merrily the perfectly harmless sharks circle below her.

"Help me! I don't want to get eaten!"

Suddenly the next thing she knows a large shape comes _swinging_ into view and she's being swept onto an only slightly more stable section of walkway. Before she can even adjust to her rapid change of position the owner of the arm around her waist pulls her more firmly against him and is kissing her so passionately she closes her eyes and just sinks into the feeling of bliss.

Bliss that abruptly vanishes once more as he leaps back into space with her and swings back onto the floating pirate ship and safety just in time for Penny to watch the rest of the catwalk collapse into the water.

"Oh my god...I could have died. Thank you for savi- Sheldon?!"

"I'm quite pleased you're alright Penny. Though I must point out that you most probably would not have died. You were only about fifteen feet above the water and the sharks are quite harmless." He twitches.

"You just twitched! They totally would have eaten me."

"They are harmless...I am just afraid of sharks." He twitches once more but this time she decides to let it go for more important concerns.

"How in the hell did you manage to do that?"

Sheldon shakes his head at her as if she were being particularly slow. "Really Penny. I've told you before. I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains."

"Except Radiohead."

Sheldon's response to that is to just glare at her.

Only now does she notice that Sheldon's arm is still wrapped around her waist while her own are wrapped around his neck. It also appears that neither has any intention of letting go anytime soon.

She smirks. "So why did you kiss me back on the catwalk?"

Sheldon blushes and looks away quickly. "That's what the heroes always do in the old pirate movies."

Penny can't help but feel slightly sad at his answer and starts to drop her arms. An action that is interrupted as she is once more too busy getting kissed to continue.

When it stops she realizes that her eyes have closed once more and her lips are tingling.

A quiet voice whispers into her ear. "That time I kissed you because I wanted to."

The movie ended up being just as bad as everyone thought it would be, but the turnout in the theaters was larger than expected. All due to the fact that the camera mounted to the crane had been running the whole time and had caught the entire rescue from start to finish. Footage that promptly ended up on YouTube within the week.

Penny's career took off and before the movie even released she'd picked up a couple of other minor roles.

Sheldon even got a line in the credits.

"Historical Consulting and Damsel Saving - Dr Sheldon Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D."

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End "The Privateer Production"

Chapter Notes: Okay...took longer to type out than I'd wanted but there it is. Hope it works for you Risknight.


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